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Sick of “Rah-Rah” New Year posts? Don’t worry. This isn’t one of them.

We’re approaching the end of an epic year. 2020 will be forever embedded into our psyches and our hearts in one way or another.

At the risk of sounding cliche, I want to write about one of the main things 2020 taught me. 

Taking time just ‘be’ is the ultimate declaration of self-worth.

We get so wound up in purpose. Finding our purpose, living our purpose, expressing our purpose, expanding our purpose, purposing our purpose…

Purpose is an Anglo-French word that first appeared in the Middle Ages. Dictionary.com’s definition of purpose is:

Purpose:

  1. 1300, “intention, aim, goal,” from Anglo-French purpos, Old French porpos “aim, intention” (12c.), from porposer “to put forth,” from por- “forth” (from Latin pro- “forth;” see pur-) + Old French poser “to put, place” (see pose (v.1)). On purpose “by design” is attested from 1580s; earlier of purpose (early 15c.). From https://www.etymonline.com/word/purpose

noun

the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.

an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal.

determination; resoluteness.

verb (used with object), pur·posed, pur·pos·ing.

to set as an aim, intention, or goal for oneself.

to intend; design.

verb (used without object), pur·posed, pur·pos·ing.

to have a purpose.

 

Our purpose is what we were created for and ultimately, what we’re here to do.

Based on our social constructs, our purpose is all about what we bring to the world and how we’re compensated while doing it. Discovering our purpose means that we discover the very meaning of our own souls. We can finally answer that old question, “Why are we here?”

Our purpose becomes the essence of ourselves.

But…is it?

2020 made me question that.

2020 made me question a lot of things.

At one point, I felt like my purpose was yanked from underneath me. Lots of projects were put on pause or canceled and it felt like the whole world was on fire. My heart was (and still is) broken about the fact that a hateful, violent, racist divide still exists in the US. My privilege kept me from really seeing things for what they currently are for so many people of color.

The land of opportunity… in the right circumstances.

And in that time of self-enforced silence and sequestering with my family (my poor kids!), my heart and mind were completely overwhelmed. I had to slow WAY the heck down.

And just be. 

It was painful at first. Looking back, I realize that even after all the work I’ve done around self-worth and owning my power, I was still validating my existence with constant action.

Just a few months into quarantine, I attended a lovely group meditation and ceremony with Heather, creator of Divinely Sensitive, she took us to a place in our minds and hearts where we could speak with our ancestors. My grandma and my great aunt were there and do you know what my grandma said? She told me that she regrets not appreciating the physical nature of earth…she wished she would have danced more.

Out of all the things she could have said, that’s what came through.

It reminded me of how much I take for granted. My health, my sight, working limbs, creative mind…etc.  

I felt convicted of being so focused on leveraging my gifts for a purpose that I forgot to simply enjoy them for what they are.

Not everything has to turn into a freakin’ Instagram post or e-book.

As I moved through the months, I focused less on doing something for a purpose and just did things that made me happy or took the edge off.

It. was. liberating.

I tapped into my inner child, my ‘deep sensitivity’ as Danielle LaPorte likes to call it.

Painting and enjoying nature for the sake of enjoying it helped me live in the moment. Nothing to sell or take pictures of for social…just enjoy. Gratitude flowed for simple things like the wind on my face as I walked and the scent of cinnamon powder sprinkled on my coffee cream.

I ate the heck out of some candy too. After denying myself treats for YEARS and realizing how SAD that was, I bought all my childhood favorites, keeping the treat jar full. My kids were excited!

I rediscovered the magic in how time seems to expand and contract around our ability to sink into the moment.

 

Just being is magical.

 

It’s a quiet place where you can hear the earnest voice of your heart make its simple requests. 

It’s a garden where your thoughts can run wild—a place for discovery, wisdom, nourishment, and fun where inspired ideas can start to take root.

Of course, there’s a season to grow and thrive and put action behind a meaningful purpose, but when that’s all there is and everything gets endlessly leveraged, your heart can become threadbare.

 

Intuition is murky when our heart is exhausted.

 

So, if you have a spiritual business like I do, and you’re NOT FEELING the normal New Year “Go, Go, GO!” vibe to kick off new offers and programs, you’re not alone. 

Give yourself permission to integrate your experiences in 2020. Let them soak in. You might just need a few weeks or you might need a few months…it’s all valid. 

Give yourself the gift of time. You’re worth it.

You’re endlessly adored whether you launch a program or you stay cuddled up reading by the fire.

I hope that 2020 becomes a touchstone for myself and many others—A place I can return to when I need to slow down, ground myself, check my compass, and keep moving toward my True North.